I’m Confused
copyright Ruth Lampert February 2009

O.k, at my age that’s not exactly unusual. Still, this whole controversy over same-sex marriage seems a bit perplexing on its own merits.
.
For example, I have been trying to understand how same-sex marriage threatens my own different-sex marriage, or anybody else’s, but I just don’t get it.

It seems to me it wasn’t that long ago that differences were the big problem, the condition to be avoided, in choosing a mate. Different religions for example. Jewish parents were sometimes known to rend their garments and otherwise mourn for children who married outside the faith. Wikipedia notes that “ ..some religions prohibit interfaith marriage, and while others do allow it, most restrict it.,” I have never heard a word against same-faith marriage.

Ethnic background sameness have always enjoyed a good press. Presumably if your parents and your beloved’s parents came from the same village or at least the same country, you’d authomatically have a lot in common.

Marrying someone of a different race was really bad. The word for it was
“miscegenation “ At one time in Kentucky the penalty was three years' imprisonment.
(Think Oboma’s parents)

“Close in age,” if not “same-age,” was also traditionally considered a plus. A big difference either way was looked upon askance, although an older woman-younger man difference met with greater approbation (except among the older women.)

Certainly educational equivalence was considered desirable. Again, there was always some sexism in the notion s: a man could marry a woman with less education,n he, but the reverse was..well.. you know.

Everyone agreed that divorced or widowed people were better off marrying someone of the same “previously married” status. It just made sense.

Risk was also seen in unions where there was too much disparity in bank accounts. A poor girl marryng a rich man was often viewed as a gold-digger, while a a poor manwho married a rich woman was known as a “gigolo,” apparently a bad thing to be..

Then there is the matter of parenting. Those opposed to same-sex marriage often make the claim that children thrive best (or only, depending on the degree of bias in the claimant .) when raised in a “traditional” family with a mother and a father. But isn’t it generally acknowledged that children of an unhappy marriage have a difficult time? And haven’t those marriages been between different-gender parents?
And haven’t some children of single parents turned out acceptably?
(Think Obama’s mother)

Slogans abounded testifying to the excellence of sameness, e.g., “Stick to your own kind.” and “Birds of a feather.” By God (and generally it was accepted that the advice came from a “higher source”)) those were precepts you could count on (I almost said “bank on,” but in these recessionary times….hmmm, maybe there is a message here too…)

I must be mssing something.

I recall a cartoon (I believe it was in The New Yorker) some years ago that depicted two men walking behind a man and woman who were screaming in rage at each other. One of the men says to the other: “These mixed marriages never work.”
(hmor and truth, a time-honored coupling.)

So that’s why I am confused about the controversy over same-sex marriage. However, I am clearly and adamently opposed to same-sex divorce. I’m not sure why. It just doesn’t feel right.